Sorry guys, I screwed the pooch on that last Weird Wednesday. I’m going to give you a double dose today. I’ve been trawling the net for the worst bikes.
The “rebar” bike. It’s durable, unattractive to thieves and weighs a metric fark tonne. Seriously, why even bother with the lock. No one is going to steal this…unless you have somehow passed it off as art of value. Kidding aside, they made a fucking bike out of rebar. It’s actually kinda cool but still ugly as hell.
Why even bother. What are those, 16” maybe 20” wheels. It’s as tall as it is long. If you try to ride downhill in that configuration you are just as likely to go over the handlebars as you are to fall over. NEXT!
Tite Gapz. Dat seatpost. Dem bars. Dat step through frame. This is one seriously tall chick, delivering messages through the tightest traffic. I might see a light on the fork, but it’s red and those go on the back, where there appears to be another light, of the white persuasion, that goes on the front. Stupid hipsters.
What’s that, I laugh/I lose? Bumble Bee reporting for duty! More like dookie. Full suspension, shock absorbing seatpost, a rear mud guard, spd pedals, disc brake on the rear and a Spinergy road wheel. Looks like a 48 spoke rear, but it’s still got road tires. This bike was bred for playing in the dirt and then someone chopped off its feet and put it in a hovaround. And I just noticed the BALD EAGLE STICKERS FREAKING EVERYWHERE!!!
Torker, riser stem, zipp and no front wheel. I can’t see it, can you? It’s a camo aerojoke. For all your urban hipster hunting excursions.
I’ve really started to like this style of frame lately. The Leader 725 and the Cinelli Vigorelli specifically. Sad bars are sad. Those skinny, chopped bars just look droopy and sad. Radial lacing is fine on the front but the spokey dokies? And that seat. We’ve got like four or five shades of pink going on here.
Alrighty, back to making fun of people’s pride and joy in just a very few days. I set a reminder in my phone to not screw it up this next time.
